If mac and cheese addiction is your worst problem, you’re doing okay
Posted On January 9, 2023
Dear Gabby,
My mother is becoming a very bitter and angry old person. What is the best way to cope with her? Let her walk all over me or disconnect and not engage with her?
Bad daughter
Dear Bad daughter,
There is seriously not enough room in this column for me to answer that question in the way I would like. So I am going to give you some short, simple, hard-earned suggestions that split the difference between the two extremes you present – neither of which seems tenable, since this is your mother we are talking about:
- Make sure she doesn’t have a urinary tract infection. They can send older people into some very scary places including sudden dementia. Completely different from younger folk. Also make sure she doesn’t have any other physical reason for being so grumpy.
- Spend short amounts of time with her more often vs. longer amounts of time with her less often.
- Enlist help of siblings, caregivers, other relatives or friends.
- Get her a cat.
- Find things that you can do together that you both enjoy like a crossword puzzle, crafts, reading aloud, cooking (if she’s able), eating (if she’s not), walks (if she’s able), tv shows (if she’s not), televised sports…..etc.
- Bring photo albums over with you so you can talk to her about the happy times.
- Change the subject when she starts getting mean.
- Try to see things from her point of view, losing control over her life, etc.
- Hit your head against the wall.
- Leave when she gets too mean.
- Keep those expectations low and the boundaries high.
- Get her on antidepressants if she will agree to trying them.
- When she gets mean, say, “You sound frustrated. I’ll come back when you’re feeling less frustrated.”
- Talk to her friends about coming to visit more often.
- Talk to her doctor or your therapist about more coping strategies!
Good luck and Godspeed. You’ll need it!
Dear Gabby,
I’m addicted to food from a box, like mac and cheese. How can I break…
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